Just be me…

Enticed by the grip that holds me inside

There’s something about the darkness that makes me feel alive

The way it feels flowing through me as I spiral down its slope

Traveling down the rabbit hole no longer needing hope

I do not want it to fade as my brown eyes turn to black

My stone cold heart slowly begins to crack

I am falling into the spiral of darkness and the lights start to fade

This time is different as I welcome the other half of myself no longer afraid

I embrace it for it is who I am, no longer fighting its tenacious grip on my soul

Maybe just maybe I will finally feel whole

Realizing nothing stops this part of me from coming back time and time again

It returns the feelings so familiar like a visit from an old friend

The pills they feed me are supposed to distort my insanity in hopes of making me sane

But they destroy the parts of me and cause me so much pain

Confusing me as I am always in a daze, they mask who I am as if I am not real

They take away the parts of me;  the parts that can feel

Numbing who I am is this what is to be sane?

Wires crossed as they control my brain

Telling me how to feel and when to feel what

Can’t you see I have had enough

I am the mad hatter and this is my life, two halves of a whole

Darkness and light and lack of control

A spinning mess of madness and occasional rain

I do not want the pills or to be sane

I want to be free, to be who he intended for me to be

My unique DNA that made me become me

The ups the downs and everything else in between

Half hero half evil queen

What ever I want and who ever I want to be

I want to wake up and just be me

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Author: grace2fight

on the journey of healing

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