The weight of the world

be4fd4c859d5d9c2415d801a8769efa2Family crisis is an ongoing issue in my very large family. The more I try to separate myself from the chaos the farther I get pulled in. In my mind I know there is nothing I can but my heart still wants to fix, save and solve. I feel like I have been at war with myself as my mind and heart are in a constant battle of what the right thing is to do. After hours of this, I am still left completely puzzled. It is easy to walk away from adults, they made their beds now let them lie in it. But the kids is a whole nother ball game. My sensitive, emotional heart is shattered as the thoughts of my niece and nephew don’t leave my mind. What to do now, I don’t know. I can not make my sister stop what she is doing, nor can I change the fact that the kids are going to end up hurt. I know all I can do is go through the motions of each day and handle what I can. What I do need to figure out is how to stop what’s going on inside from being projected to the outside. When I am going through mental turmoil the emotions I am feeling inside will attach to random situations I go through in my home life that have nothing to do with the situation at hand. Such as my homework, feeling frustrated with responsibilities, work, school, kids, the dogs, everything is overwhelming. When in reality they have nothing to do with the real issue which is my drug addict sister.  I wish I could rid myself of the emotions attached to my sister. God, they are so toxic for me.

 

Author: grace2fight

on the journey of healing

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