Mania

grace

The thoughts come fast, she can’t slow them down…

wondering if this holiday cheer they speak of can this year will be found.

Trying so hard to be the mother she never had through all those years,

But it only causes mania and so many tears.

She doesn’t see it but still it’s true,

she will never match up to you.

This mother she placed on a pedestal so high.

She runs around frantic and fights to try.

you fail you fail”

That’s what she hears inside,

But continues on to fight; no where to hide.

Why does she do this year after year

To continue on with the disappointment and so many tears.

you fail you fail”

Is all she hears,

she screams and yells yet no one hears.

It’s all inside like a madness spinning all un- done

If they knew what was inside they would know it won.

They would know she failed and they would see

All the broken pieces that live inside of me.

I hold it together like the strongest crazy glue

Squeezing it inside, never letting it through

She can’t let it slip out; God they might see

Just how much crazy lives inside of me

She is twisting and turning out of control,

and holding it together so know one will know

But does it  show?

Can they see the real me through silent tears?

Do they know who truly exists and all the fears?

I am a actor whos life is nothing but a show.

Who I really am you will never know.

Let me show you then you will see

All the pain that exists inside of me

Darkness so dark it could be black as space

Take these horrifying memories and hold me in your embrace

Make me forget about the person who lives inside

The crazy shattered broken parts of me  I try so to hide.

She is an actor and this is her life.

She just wants to be a good mother, she wants to be a good wife

But the darkness that engulfs her constantly takes over her soul

Is a constant reminder of something un-whole

It is broke like shards of broken glass

But maybe just maybe this too shall pass

Or is that a fairy tale the old testament tells

“she fails she fails” 

Are the words she hears,

she fights through all the pain and all the tears

The broken pieces like shards of glass, engulf the soul that was only meant for you to see

Can you see this darkness that lives inside of me?

 

 

 

 

Author: grace2fight

on the journey of healing

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