I don’t know why I always place myself in such a low category. I don’t believe in my own abilities, talents and attributes. I second guess myself on everything. Causing more harm due to the waste of precious time. I wasn’t always like this. I remember from seventh grade to tenth being so utterly impressed with my ability to write. I was creative and poetic. I guess I was always the psychology type searching for the meaning and the cause. Always looking at things from a broader distance not narrowed down on the problem or situation. Then something happened… drugs… guilt, shame and deterioration on my self-esteem. I was know longer the poetic philosopher searching for the meaning of life. I had re-opened all my childhood scars and was repeatedly trying to close them with my substance abuse. When I had finally realized today six years ago that the pain would never heal if I didn’t stop I prayed and I prayed and God sent an angel in the form of a police officer to save me from myself. He took me to the hospital instead of jail so I could go to rehab. I went the morning of the 23rd and my life is where it is today. However I still struggle with the same self reflections when in all reality I am all of what I once was and more. Experience in life alone has brought such wisdom to me. I still look at the entire picture and not the problem or situation alone. I still am poetically inclined and I still am searching for the meaning of life but I find that every night I work and am able to connect with one of my patients in a way that brings upon difference. I am fabulously amazing and my intelligence is peaking over the horizon as I absorb college like a sponge… I have to believe in myself or I will not succeed. We hold the keys to our life. Our success isn’t given to us it’s earned by us. Our self-esteem isn’t created by others it’s built by us. We are in control. We can change we can do whatever we believe we can do.
Faith can move a mountain.
- Jessica Rodriguez, Grace2Fight