Finding where i belong seems to be the longest road traveled for me. My disorder has me like ping pong ball bouncing from one ” calling ” to the next. It’s funny how the places i just knew were my destiny didn’t work out. And the places i felt weren’t did. I am dreamer which can resort in more dreaming than doing. I am a creative thinker with ideas and no where to put them. I can overly confident or extremely under confident that too is solely based on what mood i am in. I know one thing for sure being me is exhausting to myself i can’t imagine what being in a relationship with me is like.
Today I am a thinker, so many ideas no where to put them and do they even make sense is the question. I feel help captive by my responsibilities that will keep me from things i i want to do today. Like reading and school and pintresting. Pintresting : building a board of all the things you will never do that consumes hours of your time is completely pointless but is so much fun.
Maybe i need to stop focusing on finding my destiny and more on realizing that i am living it already. That my destination was to be right here right now at every place in my life. I need to find peace in that. I need to love where i am at and embrace each beautiful moment.
I believe i am getting better, 20 days no anger attacks. No freaking out over my messy house and piles of laundry. I guess i have been normal… hahah ya right. But i have defiantly been better.
The medication is working, but it also is making me fat. 10 pounds in 2 weeks. Good gracious i will be the size i was pregnant if i keep packing on the pounds. Stupid move today is i am skipping lunch. I know it won’t help but it makes me feel better. Caffeine Caffeine Caffeine and a dash of ADD medication to suppress my appetite but i still feel the need to kick in the snack machine and eat every last snickers in the damn thing so yaa me.
To finish on this note is finding peace with where i am at today and realizing every piece of where you go in life is your destiny. Not just this grand finale of what it is i believe God is leading me too. But rather a destiny lived in each moment of each person i encounter. My destiny is the life i live everyday and who i keep fighting to become.