31 years ago

Today i turn 31, it seems time has went into speed mode and everything is passing by so fast i barely have a moment to grasp a memory. I am proud of who i am and who i am becoming. This week my disorder lost in it’s fight against me. I ignored the thoughts that crept into my mind antagonizing me, trying so hard to get me to cross the line of sanity to insanity. I didn’t give into it’s oh so familiar routine of self destruction. I stayed me in the moments when the monster was present tugging me in the direction of darkness. Yes i am proud of who i am becoming, a dragon slayer to say the least. Fighting my way out of  the captivity  of  my own mind. No longer a prison entrapped in my own poisonous thoughts. Rather than listen to that voice i hate so much i allowed Grace and love to replace it. I have learned to distinguish reality from illusion. The voice of truth now whispers, it isn’t real. That small soft voice is my protection from the dark familiar voice throwing jabs at me to get me to release it. The common explosion that free’s the dragon within me. But no not this week this week it lost it’s fight and the warrior won.  I am stronger now, 31 years of life. Hard and long years most of them spent in feelings of un-belonging of not knowing who i was or why i was here. Most of them spent in searching for something and having no idea what it was. But i found it in November of 2010, i found it the day i laid eyes on my husband for the first time. When i met my soulmate the missing piece inside was finally filled and i had my reason to continue to fight and i had my strength i so desperately needed to become who i am today. I knew there where times he wanted to give up on me, i would plead my defenses and tell him in 6 months i will be a different person…i fought within my self and never gave up because my love for him was the blue flame that burned inside of me and refused to go out. God gave me what i longed for and prayed for my whole life. My soulmate my other half. One belief that i have had my entire life and has never changed is that man and women are two halves and there is a person whom was created just for you. God showed me mercy in the midst of my broken life and my broken mind. He put together my broken heart when i finally reached my other half… i will keep fighting and slaying this dragon within for all my days and know with gratefulness my heart is whole. I am proud of who i am and whom i am becoming…. I am proud of the heart i was born with the strength not known to many that flows through my veins. I am an overcomer of many trials and i am sure many more to come, Happy Birthday to Me… The one who never gives up and fights for what she believes in, the one who challenges herself daily to be better than the day prior the one who loves with everything she has no matter how many times her heart is broken… I am proud to be meimg_20160413_071144343.jpg

Author: grace2fight

on the journey of healing

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