More History

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This was 97′ about 7 months after CPS took us from my Mom. This is my birth Mom. The last real visit we had.  I was living in Thomaston with my real Mom the one who loved us, the one who took me to dance class.  and bought me cloths and tried hard to give me the things I wanted, the things I took for granted. I found a picture of this picture a few days ago on my Facebook time hop. I remember believing her when she said she was getting us back,  when she said she wasn’t drinking or doing drugs. Only that very night at my Grandparents I found her smoking crack in the bathroom.  I didn’t really know the extent of how bad thar was until I got older. We went to her “friends” house near my grandparents and she allowed me to have a couple beers wth her and smoke cigarettes, I was in 7th grade I was 13. Of course she would deny this is an instant but my memory is very vivid. There where once pictures to prove it.  Pictures of me giving her a piggy back and then one with her giving me one.  The biggest smiles in the world, she was so happy that day. She was with me and using just like old times.  Although I’m sure during this brief time she really believed she had it under control. That was the last unsupervised visit we had. I don’t remember seeing her again for over a year actually. Then only once until I turned 16. I’m not angry about what me and my siblings went through.  I know that she did the best she could and she just wasn’t meant to be a mom.  Some people shouldn’t have children. That’s okay the miniature monsters aren’t for everyone. But what I don’t agree with is not giving them a good life, by that I mean there are so many families out there that desperately want children. Why selfishly keep s child you really don’t want.  She could of had all she had with us doing an open adoption. Why wasn’t that an option for us? So many times we went hungry but they had alcohol as little kids ages 9, 8 , 6 ,1
Basically my children right now.  That’s baffling to me. But I guess that’s life. Honestly when does it make sense right?

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Author: grace2fight

on the journey of healing

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