Being a person with borderline personality disorder, there was no regulating my emotions it was one way or another, highs and lows within sometimes seconds apart. I would always say , ” when I’m upset about something, by upset I really mean fiercely anger or overally dramatic, there’s no talking me off the ledge, no calming me down, not even I could do it for myself” what would than follow I’d the belief that everyone now hates me and I’m worthless. But today I can say that isn’t the case, first I allow God to control circumstances I cannot, and the ones I can I do to my best ability without pushing myself to a breaking point either. Being what I like to describe as an extremist, I like to do way too much than beat myself up later for not being where I had expected myself to be. Today I allow the universe to control the universe. I don’t want thar job anymore. Perspective is everything for a person with Borderline personality disorder, when I find myself slipping back into the negative energy around me. I start asking myself simple questions. For example why are you rushing? Why are you worried if this is not a problem you created rather it is just a mind created thought of what may occur but most likely won’t. Today I am an hour late for work my mom confused her appointment address and took us an hour out of the way while walking into my office I could feel myself slipping down the wrong mindful thoughts, than it hit me. One day she will be gone and you will yearn for hour long car rides with her and this missed hour of work at a job you might not even be at then will be the last thing you think of. Perspective changes everything thank you God for the healing and the change and the courage it takes to do the foot work. May you open the hearts and minds of those suffering with this illness today so they may also find peace.
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