Despair hit my inner soul

Words you never expect to hear from your child, words that make you relive your history. I can’t begin to describe how broken i feel, how i feel i failed her. How i wish i could go back and change every stupid mistake. My mental illness has been winning as i go through the challenges of life kicking and screaming with just enough time to gasp for air before getting hit with yet another storm. I think i am passed the why’s and how’s and moving on to the damns. My tears have stopped falling and i see a faint light at the end of this horrible tunnel and if i allow myself to just keep pushing through i might make it out in one piece.
A friend told me every challenge, every heart ache, every piece of pain is a learning experience something we get in order to help someone else get through the same thing to give them hope that they will live. Apparently God wants me to save the world because so far in my thirty years i have experienced more pain more trauma more crazy situations than anyone else i know or have met in my life.
After four heart wrenching days today was finally OK, i had moments of tears for my daughter, moments were i wanted to just drive to the school get her out and hold her. But i know that won’t help, what she needs is my strength love and support what she needs is a mom who is willing to fight the world to save her, and that i am.

Author: grace2fight

on the journey of healing

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