Part of my story

2016-01-23-14.00.38.jpg.jpgMy parents had four children: Tanya, myself, Jeni and Andy. They were alcoholics and drug users. So us children spent a majority of our childhood with our grandparents on our mother’s side of the family. We played with the kids next door and their parents embraced and loved us like we were their own. I never wanted to leave there and the hugs that I received were what I often thought about before going to bed. When I was six years old, they moved out of town into a huge house with so many bedrooms. We spent the weekend at their new place helping paint, laughing, dancing to good music, and surrounded by love. It was amazing! I especially took a liking to their mother, Maureen, as she’s a woman whom to this day I still very much look up to as a role model. So as a broken little six year old, I asked her the question, “can I call you mom?” Tears streamed down her face and as the amazing woman she is, she naturally said “yes!” Approximately two months later, my parents abruptly moved our family to Pennsylvania. At the time, I had no idea but Maureen and her husband, Chip, had started the process of becoming foster parents and decided that they were going to fight for the custody of myself and my three siblings. The years that we lived in Pennsylvania were the hardest. The neglect was worse than ever as we were often left alone. I missed, Maureen, the person that I viewed as a true mother. I missed the smell of her hair, the smell of the house, everything. Shortly after, my father got arrested for the statutory rape of our babysitter, which trigger our move back to Connecticut. My grandmother (Nauni, as we so affectionately call her) remained in contact with Maureen throughout the years, so thankfully I was able to call and speak with them on occasion. My father ultimately got sentenced to five years in prison when I was only eleven years old. About a month later, I got a phone call from Maureen’s daughter, Tricia (essentially my sister), where she informed us of some horrible news. She told me that her dad, Chip, had passed away from leukemia. I was devastated as I lost both my biological father to prison and a man who I looked up to as a father within weeks of each other. It hurt all of us so much but my older sister Tanya took it the worst as she shared an indescribable bond with Chip. Within six months, the Department of Children and Families (DCF) came and removed all of us children. My younger siblings Jeni and Andy both were placed with Nauni and Grandpa, as Tanya and myself went to live with our aunt and uncle. What no one knew, except my horrible parents, was my grandfather had been molesting Tanya and I for years. My parents had sent us there summer after summer, even though they knew about the disgusting actions of Grandpa. The reason my parents never stepped in was because Grandpa paid all of their bills. So I guess that in their minds, they viewed it as an even exchange. It still makes me absolutely sick to my stomach. I didn’t last long living with my Uncle (my Mom’s brother) as he it turned out that the apple didn’t fall far from the tree as he took right after his dad and was a pedophile also. I called Maureen to let her know everything that was happening and eventually went to live with her. I felt like I had finally made it home! However, I wish the story was just that simple and contained the storybook happy ending but tragically, it doesn’t. At that point, I had become very demonstrative as I felt very damaged inside. I would act out, I was out of control and dangerous. I was no longer that broken sad little six year old girl that was in desperate need for a mother’s hug. I was reckless and destructive to everyone around me. My journey continues on as it’s been long and not very pretty. Thank you for reading this part of my story, there is lots more to come, so please stay tuned…

Author: grace2fight

on the journey of healing

2 thoughts on “Part of my story”

  1. Jessica you should really think about writing a book about your life struggle and all your accomplishments. Just what you wrote here I was intrigued, it was like I was reading a novel.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s