A ray of hope

fb_img_1453420747484.jpgYou have to have bad days, to enjoy the good.  But mental illness bad days and regular bad days are very different. Thursday depression was worse than Wednesday. I couldn’t write, I couldn’t think.  My mind raced with never-ending thoughts as my brain struggled to process it.  What if’s and Why’s, Out of control Emotions creating panic, fear,  anger. It ended as fast as it came last night around 9, while me and my husband were sorting out the fight we had all morning, the hopelessness left and here came hope,  the anger left and here came love,  the self destructiveness left and here came Grace.

No matter how bad it gets or how bad it hurts,  the screaming in the inside feelings of utter solitude, that you want to die to end your own suffering. KNOW THIS A RAY OF HOPE WILL COME.  Yesterday I honestly thought I would be depressed forever, I actually said to my husband “I  over came so much in my life to die of depression”

But today the knots in my stomach are gone, the feeling of peace is with me and I realized I have to keep fighting.  My goal is to help others fight too. We need each other as reminders to keep going when all seems useless, pointless and hopeless. Because it’s not. Find your ray hope it’s there I promise.

 

Author: grace2fight

on the journey of healing

3 thoughts on “A ray of hope”

  1. Inspiring message- I am so glad you overcame your bad day. I have been having more anxious days lately too- [I have social anxiety, mainly] There are more days lately when I walk into work and just shut my door, I don’t want to talk to anyone- but I have a good friend at work and when she is there I feel better so I know that isolating is not good, either. I finally called my therapist and made an appt for tonight, it’s been weeks. So it does look up- we just have to be patient with ourselves! I write a lot of posts lately about being kind to ourselves and having gratitude, things like that- if you ever need anything for your bad days 🙂

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    1. I totally understand the isolation part. My best friend keeps reaching out and I ignore her. I finally told her everything and explained to her, pushing myself to get through work, be a mom a wife all the while feeling what I’m feeling inside I just don’t have the energy to fake it to anyone else I’m exausted by the end of the day. I need to be alone. I cancelled our rd trip and they left without me yesterday partly do to weather and more do to I just couldn’t go. My kids and husband keep me grounded and I can’t fathom not being with them even if it is only 4 days

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      1. Awww- I totally understand. When you are ready, you can always road trip with your friends- or, with your family, so you don’t have to leave them! The exhaustion- oh yes, with social anxiety- it takes a lot more effort to socialize in general, and the anxiety from it beats you down- you are just tired by the end too and there’s only so much I can do. I also isolate more in the winter, naturally. So I have to be careful not to become a complete hermit- lol!

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