You have to have bad days, to enjoy the good. But mental illness bad days and regular bad days are very different. Thursday depression was worse than Wednesday. I couldn’t write, I couldn’t think. My mind raced with never-ending thoughts as my brain struggled to process it. What if’s and Why’s, Out of control Emotions creating panic, fear, anger. It ended as fast as it came last night around 9, while me and my husband were sorting out the fight we had all morning, the hopelessness left and here came hope, the anger left and here came love, the self destructiveness left and here came Grace.
No matter how bad it gets or how bad it hurts, the screaming in the inside feelings of utter solitude, that you want to die to end your own suffering. KNOW THIS A RAY OF HOPE WILL COME. Yesterday I honestly thought I would be depressed forever, I actually said to my husband “I over came so much in my life to die of depression”
But today the knots in my stomach are gone, the feeling of peace is with me and I realized I have to keep fighting. My goal is to help others fight too. We need each other as reminders to keep going when all seems useless, pointless and hopeless. Because it’s not. Find your ray hope it’s there I promise.